Relationships—What Are We?
Waters of Relationships: Wisdom from Yemanjá and Orunmila in Odu Ifá
Ìbà á se o, ọmọ Òrúnmìlà!
(Honor and respect to you, children of Orunmilá!)
Have you ever found yourself in the early stages of a relationship, asking yourself: What are we? It’s a question many of us hesitate to ask—maybe because we’re not ready for the answer, or perhaps because we’re not sure we need an answer yet. But what if we viewed this moment through a different lens? Let’s consider a famous thought experiment from quantum physics: Schrödinger’s cat.
Understanding Schrödinger’s Cat—And What It Means for Relationships
In the world of quantum physics, there’s a famous thought experiment known as Schrödinger’s Cat. Don’t worry—no actual cats are harmed! It’s an experiment that helps explain how things can exist in multiple states at once until we observe them. Imagine this: a cat is placed inside a sealed box with a device that has a 50/50 chance of either releasing a poison or doing nothing. According to quantum theory, until someone opens the box to check, the cat is considered both alive and dead at the same time. It's only when we look inside that we find out which it really is—alive or dead.
So, how does this apply to relationships?
In the early stages of a relationship, we often avoid asking the big question: What are we? Until that moment, the relationship exists in two possible states—it could be a friendship, it could be something more romantic. Just like Schrödinger’s cat, the relationship exists in multiple forms until you open the box and define it. By asking, you bring clarity, but before then, it exists in an undefined state.
But why do we need to open that box? Why do we feel compelled to define what we are, and is it always necessary to do so?
The Dance of Definition
In Ifá, we believe that everything has a time and a season. As Odu Ifá says,
"Adánrín ká ká lójú, bí ọ̀nà bá pé títí, a máa dé ibi"
"The wanderer roams without clarity, but eventually, the path will lead to a destination."
- Odu Ogbe Sa
Relationships, like life’s journey, have stages. But how soon do we need to name where we are going? Is there power in letting the journey unfold without rushing into labels?
Orunmilá, the Orisha of wisdom, often teaches us to observe before deciding. When he was tasked with helping humanity, he didn’t rush to conclusions or judgments. He allowed the signs to present themselves, carefully weighing all possibilities before offering his divine counsel. Similarly, we too can take time in our relationships—observing, learning, and discovering the true nature of the connection without forcing a decision prematurely.
Relationship or Friendship? The Story of Yemanjá and Orunmilá
In the early stages of relationships, uncertainty is natural. Some days it feels like friendship, and on others, it seems to be something more. The Yoruba proverb
"Òtító ni ngbé inú àkànbí, ìhúnú ni npa èjè inú"
"Truth resides within the heart, but doubts poison the blood"
- Odu Otura Meji
reminds us that while confusion can create anxiety, clarity will come in its own time.
This concept is beautifully illustrated in the myth of Yemanjá and Orunmilá. According to Ifá, Yemanjá, the Orisha of the oceans, mother of all, was deeply revered for her nurturing power, but her waters also concealed the unknown depths of human emotion. Orunmilá, the Orisha of wisdom and divination, sought her out—not for romance, but for guidance. He knew that Yemanjá’s vast knowledge of the waters could help him understand the unpredictable tides of human life.
At first, their relationship was ambiguous. They shared wisdom and supported each other, but it was unclear if this was a partnership, a friendship, or something deeper. Orunmilá was patient, observing the nature of their bond without rushing to label it. Yemanjá, in turn, respected Orunmilá’s depth of understanding and did not push for clarity.
Over time, Orunmila realized that their relationship was rooted in something greater than simple companionship—it was a spiritual partnership based on mutual respect and shared wisdom. When he consulted Ifá, the Odu Ogbe Yonu appeared, symbolizing harmony and alignment with divine purpose. This Odu reinforced the idea that relationships, when left to evolve naturally, reveal their true purpose in due time.
In this myth, Yemanjá and Orunmilá’s connection was never about defining their roles; it was about accepting the flow of their relationship and allowing it to become whatever it was meant to be. The wisdom here is clear: Not every relationship needs to be defined immediately. Sometimes, the most profound connections are those that are allowed to grow without boundaries.
To Define or Not to Define
In many Afro-diasporic traditions like Ifá, Candomblé, Santería, Umbanda, Palo, Vodou, rituals and relationships with the Orishás are often long-term commitments. However, those commitments are made after deep reflection, divination, and spiritual guidance. A proverb from Odu Ifá says,
"Akọni kò le rán ẹyẹ lójú màá, ẹni tí kò ti ní ìjìnlẹ̀, kò le rí òtítọ́"
"One cannot see the sky clearly with a bird’s eye; one without depth cannot find the truth."
- Odu Oyeku Ogbe
The lesson here is that depth and clarity take time.
We often feel pressure to define relationships early on—whether they are friendships, romances, or partnerships. But as Ifá teaches, not everything needs immediate definition. Sometimes the path will reveal itself when it’s time, and until then, we must trust the process. Defining a relationship too early may limit its potential, while waiting can allow it to evolve into its true form.
DIY Ritual: Opening the Path of Clarity
Here’s a simple ritual you can perform at home to bring clarity to your relationships, inspired by the wisdom of Orunmilá.
Materials:
A white candle (for clarity)
Two pieces of paper
A bowl of water (symbolizing Yemanjá’s flow)
A small stone or pebble (for grounding)
Steps:
Sit in a quiet space and light the white candle.
On the first piece of paper, write down all the qualities and feelings you’ve observed about the person and your relationship—without labeling it. Just allow the words to flow without judgment.
On the second piece of paper, write down any fears or pressures you feel to define the relationship.
Take the bowl of water and drop the stone in it, imagining that the weight of your fears is being released. Say aloud: "Like the stone sinks into the water, so do my worries about definition."
Place both papers under the bowl, letting them sit overnight. The next morning, discard the paper with your fears and keep the one with observations as a reminder to honor the present moment without rushing for answers.
Final Thoughts
Like Schrödinger’s cat, your relationship may remain undefined for a while—and that’s perfectly okay. What’s most important is to honor the connection as it grows, observing its evolution rather than forcing it into a particular shape.
As Orunmilá teaches us,
"Patience brings wisdom, and wisdom brings clarity."
Until next time, trust the process, and may the Orishás guide you on your journey.
"Ìbà ṣé o! Àse!"
"Honor and respect! May it be so!
Babá Tilo de Àjàgùnnà
DAILY IFÁ
Weekly Prediction for Odu Ifá Osa Ofun
This week, Odu Ifá Osa Ofun reminds us to face our challenges head-on instead of running away from them. Osa Ofun is a path of transformation and perseverance, speaking of hidden enemies and betrayals. It calls for patience, steadfastness, and the necessity to honor our spiritual obligations. This Odu teaches that avoiding or delaying actions only worsens the problems at hand. The importance of making peace with one's destiny and following the guidance of the Orishás is paramount.
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